If Not Frodo
by blue alien
Summary: Imagine if Frodo hadn't been the ringbearer......each chapter is a different Fellowship character making the journey to Mt. Doom.....R&R! PLEEZ! Cahp 2 w/Gandalf is up!
1. Merry and Pippin

Disclaimer: give Tolkein all the credit. I only own the plot of this fic (and that's because I wrote it). Enjoy! And don't forget to review! Review! Review!  
  
We will start off with Merry and Pippin. (if you didn't read the summary then I suggest you go back and read it before you begin!) Remember, this is going to be in journal form. Merry and Pippin will be writing in their entries together.  
  
Day 1, just outside of the Shire:  
  
Merry writes: I really find this all quite useless! No fun at all. Only been walking for one day, and my ale has already run out! Pippin won't share any of his either. I never should have agreed to carry around this bloody ring in the first place. Bloody obnoxious, if you ask me.  
  
Wouldn't expect a magic and powerful ring to talk, but this one does. I stuffed it away in my pocket and I could still hear that squeaky little voice: "Just put me on, and then you shall have all the ale you could ever dream of! And Pippin wouldn't get any of it! All for you! All for you!" Pretty tempting, except for the fact that whenever I got close to slipping it on and sipping some ale, this tall guy in black robes would come running up on his black horse. Then we'd be stuck hiding behind a tree, while he did some weird ritual with sniffing around a bit. It seemed like a ritual, but maybe he just had a bad cold. At first I thought he had some ale, but I worried he might have sneezed on it. All very creepy if you ask me.  
  
Pippin will have to sleep with the ring tonight, because I don't think I stand anymore of that squeaky little voice. Only been on the road for one day, and I'm ready to go home now! And to think Bilbo's trip took him a whole year!  
  
Pippin writes: Merry is completely and totally clueless. He doesn't seem to understand that there are evil things out there, and that maybe the Ringwraith was sniffing for US, not performing some freak ritual. What an idiot. And the point was that Merry bears the burden, I lead us to Mount Doom and keep him out of trouble.  
  
And, he kept trying to drink my ale. He was quite jolly this morning, after he finished off his own bottle, but now he won't shut up. Plus he says the One Ring talks. Is this the crap I'm going to have to put up with for the whole journey?  
  
Day 10, Weathertop:  
  
Merry writes: Have joined up with some ranger guy named Strider. His hair is rather icky, and when I was getting myself properly drunk back in Bree, he said that the Ringbearer should not be intoxicated. Ringbearer? Who's that? Now, on top of these weird Black Riders, there's also some bear chasing after me? I tried to ask him what he meant, but he doesn't talk much, and he just said that I should sleep in his room tonight. What a creep!  
  
Oh, and no sign of bears, but after we reached some ancient hill called Weathertop (where we are now), the Black Riders came back. But they didn't sniff half as much. Just drew their swords and wanted to fight. So Strider gave Pip and me daggers, and we threw a bunch of torches at them. After we (mostly Strider) drove them off, I commented on how great it was that no one was injured. And you know what he said when he noticed that I was fine? "Da**, I had brought some Kingsfoil (Athelas) in my pocket this time, too. So much for healing the Ringbearer" So now he wants to help the bear? This is way too confusing. And Mr. Cocky- Just-Because-He's-A-Powerful-Ring is still squeaking away in my pocket.  
  
Pippin writes: Merry is still quite clueless. He thinks Strider is a queer just because he had us sleep in his room! If we hadn't slept in his room, then we would be dead! I made Merry at least promise not to say anything about it, and I think I finally convinced him that Strider is not queer.  
  
The Ringwraiths attacked us here on Weathertop, but luckily no one is hurt. Strider has proved a trustworthy and helpful companion so far. This wouldn't be so bad if Merry would only shut up.  
  
Day 25, Moria:  
  
Merry writes: Very creepy and dark in here. Strider still following us around. Pippin says he is our guide, I still say his hair is icky.  
  
We got to this place Strider calls Rivendell, it was all very confusing. Talked to Bilbo, he gave me a shiny coat thing, and a sword that turns shiny blue in the presence of....oh, I can't remember, bears I think. And there were a bunch of tall elf people with big ears. One of them was called Elrond. He said the three of us seem to be doing fine on our own, so I won't need 9 companions after all. All very weird, but there was a lot of wine. Not quite as good as ale, but at least it was better than water!  
  
Now we are in some dark and yucky underground cave thing called Moria. There are a lot of old dwarf skeletons lying around, and it is quite creepy.  
  
Pippin writes: Merry is annoying as ever, but in a somewhat quieter manner. Back in the Shire there were some rumors that his mother dropped him on the head quite a few times. Hmmm...... Strider is a better companion, but he is very quiet and thoughtful.  
  
Moria is quiet and rather creepy. Strider says that the dwarves of this realm delved too deep, and awoke things better left asleep. Sometimes I think I hear drums, or footsteps. Merry insists it is a bear. I don't even want to know what goes on in his head. I suppose we shall meet up with whoever it is soon enough. Very gloomy, even Merry has managed to stay relatively quiet.  
  
Day 37, Lothlorien:  
  
Merry writes: Moria was quite unpleasant. After my last entry, all these orcs and goblins and such came out and started chasing us. I proved a much better fighter than Pippin, but that was partially because I was eager to see the ring-bear. My sword was glowing blue, but I still never found him. I heard Strider say to Pippin "We must protect the Ringbearer at all costs". I have determined that the ring-bear is good, because Strider seems so worried about him. Perhaps the bear is following us and he is afraid to be seen. Anyways, we crossed this tiny rock bridge over this gorge, and this big Balrog creature was chasing us. Strider mumbled something about "Where's Gandalf when you need him", and then we ran. The Balrog, for some strange reason, yelled "Be glad I'm following Tolkein's idea!", and then jumped off the bridge. All very confusing.  
  
But Lothlorien is wonderful. Everything is green and pretty, and time doesn't really seem to happen at all. Very relaxing, but Galadriel is a bit odd at times, though very hospitable.  
  
I must remember to ask Aragorn about the ring-bear. Oh, and there is lots of wine here, too! But no matter how much I gulp down, I never seem to get drunk. But my cheeks get very rosy. I am starting to not mind traveling all over Middle Earth with a talking ring so much anymore.  
  
Pippin writes: Lothlorien is a very beautiful forest and city, and their architecture is amazing. They live in these tree-house sort of buildings they call flets. Galadriel and Celeborn have been wonderfully kind to us. I'm not sure if it was because the other two are important people (Aragorn son of Arathorn and the bearer of the One Ring), or if they are just really nice.  
  
Makes me feel a bit small, but things could be worse. A least Merry hasn't actually realized that fate of Middle Earth rests in his hands. Then he would get all cocky and so on. Aragorn has opened up some, he seems to be at home here. For a while after we left Arwen and Rivendell, he was very quiet and somewhat sad.  
  
Merry seems to be enjoying the wine. He hasn't complained about the One Ring talking lately, and he seems to have forgotten about the "ring-bears". He must be pestering Aragorn with questions, not me. Poor Aragorn, but hey, I'm not complaining.  
  
Day 65:  
  
Merry writes: I have decided that adventures are not really all that fun anymore. We are currently camped out in the middle of nowhere. Quite depressing, it's all barren and gloomy. When we left Lothlorien they gave us boats, so we paddled down some river for a few days.  
  
Then we were attacked by orcs, and Aragorn started muttering "poor Boromir." Pip didn't even notice. I found it quite strange, and when I asked about the ring-bear (I have started noticing footsteps again) Pippin just shook his head like I am crazy and rolled his eyes. Weird.  
  
This adventure is really starting to tell on me. We abandoned the boats and now we are just walking, walking, walking. Very boring. Nobody talks much either. When I tried to start a conversation, Aragorn just kept on grunting until I had talked my throat dry and my voice hoarse. Which brings me to another point. I think Pip idolizes Aragorn. Because Pip kept on grunting too, and it is very unnatural for hobbits to grunt. Just because Aragorn is some famous guy. Oh, I forgot to tell you that! And I told Pip don't bother writing it, that I would. Well anyways, Strider turned out to be some King guy, and his name is actually Aragorn. He seems the same to me, except when you look into his eyes, he really does seem rather fierce. More like a warrior then a king, if you ask me. But no one does, and I am getting quite uncomfortable and lonely. No one talks much, and the ring-bear won't seem to leave me alone.  
  
Another thing is the ring. It keeps on talking to me, but no longer about ale. Now about how I will be back home in the Shire, with no adventure to worry about, and plenty of warm fireside and good books and ale. Quite tempting, but the squeaky voice totally stops any temptations I might have. Cotton stuffed in my ears. Pip is staring again.  
  
Pippin writes: Aragorn continues to lead us closer to Mordor. He said that soon he is going to have to leave us, and we will travel on our own. Although none of us get to eat very much, and the blankets no longer seem so comfortable, it is not so bad. Except I cannot shake off the ever approaching yet far-away fires of Mt. Doom. The air seems colder and uninviting, and everyone is rather gloomy.  
  
Merry still attempts to have conversations, but neither Aragorn nor I are eager for speech. I dread the day when I will be the one forging our path instead of Aragorn. He says that I will have to lead, because Merry's mind is preoccupied by the One Ring, which is trying to gain sway over him.  
  
Day 80, Ithilien  
  
Merry writes: My mind is preoccupied? What sort of bull crap is that? Pip just likes to think I'm bloody insane, that's what it is.  
  
Anyways, I guess I should fill you in. Aragorn left, and this creepy icky- yicky-yucky thing who calls itself Gollum has been leading us. Rather odd, but I am not complaining. Pip is being a bit on the overprotective side, though.  
  
Now we are in some some pretty forest with people who once more are mentioning Boromir. Boromir..hmmmm.......I have to meet this guy, he seems famous. But anyways, I don't know where Gollum went but oh well, we'll find him later. Pretty forest, but Mordor is very cold and gloomy. Can't wait for the dumb adventure to end already!  
  
Pippin writes: We stumbled upon the forest of Ithilien, where men of Gondor are giving us a spot to rest for a few days. Met up with Merry's ring-bear, but he doesn't realize it. Or at least, Gollum accounts for the footsteps we hear and such. But I can't expect Merry to ever realize that HE is the ringbearer. The poor hobbit's brain might explode. He even asked Gollum if he had seen a ring-bear around lately! What an idiot!  
  
Mordor is extremely unpleasant, but it will only get worse, I suppose. Merry is still in very high spirits. I swear, all that elven wine has permanently damaged him!  
  
I do not know where Gollum is, but I am all the more the glad for it. After we leave Ithilien, I will be the guide myself, and Merry will just tag along and be a burden. At least he's company.  
  
Day 100, Rivendell  
  
Merry writes: You'll never guess what happened! We met up with Gollum again, and he led us up to the main gate, but we couldn't get in. So Gollum wanted to take us to some shortcut of his, when 3 eagles came swooping down, and Gollum ran off. They said that they didn't want to take Tolkein's stupid risks, so they would help. Then they just flew us to the slopes of Mount Doom! Ha! The best fun I've had yet! Pip was scared, but it was a great view of.........well, of a lot of black clouds and evil armies and stuff. When we got to Mt. Doom, Gollum came running up and I just kinda threw him into the Crack of Doom. Then I threw the ring in, and the eagles said that I had much more self-control than Frodo.  
  
Then, we hopped back on the eagles, and they flew us here, to Rivendell. Everyone keeps telling me how brave I was and such, and there are so many feasts and parties I cannot keep track!  
  
It is so fun, but I really don't understand all these references to Tolkein and changing destiny around. A bit odd, if you ask me. I could have sworn that our "God" was called Varda. I will have to add Tolkein on my list of people to meet.  
  
Oh, and before, I say goodbye, one last thing. Aragorn is a bloody King! Can you believe, off in some castle or something somewhere, he sits around and wears a crown! Hahahaha! Well, tata!  
  
Pippin writes: I suppose Merry explained the jist of it to you, and I am really quite surprised. We are incredibly famous, and everybody thinks we are heroes. Maybe I am, but they all look up to Merry. And you know what? He lives it up so much! He tells them about how the Ring talked and squeaked, and how I just told him to shut up, and how he bravely journeyed through Mordor with cotton stuffed in his ears!  
  
What crap! Oh well, I guess I will have to forgive him. The poor guy, that ring must have really gotten to his head.  
  
Very well, now I am content to remain in Rivendell and not go on any more adventures! Farewell!  
  
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I realize this was waaaaaaaaay too long, so the next person I do, I will try and make it shorter. I hope you like!  
  
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEEZ R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ESPECIALLY THE REVIEWING PART OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Gandalf with appearance by Galadriel

Disclaimer: MINE! Mine! It is all mine! Elrond runs out and notches an arrow to his bow. HIS! His! All his! Elrond leaves, Tolkein stuffs me in a box and sends me to an insane asylum. About time you got back home! Says the receptionist. I once more lock myself in my room and write fanfics! Hehehehe! Basically, its all Tolkein's. Elrond only wishes and dreams!  
  
Ok, this time I am going to try and make it more in tune with the books, the plot, etc.  
  
Hmmmmm.......who should I do this time???  
  
Eenie-meenie-miney-mo! Catch a leggy-poo by his bow! Take his arrows, and there you go!  
  
I will do Gandalf!  
  
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Day 1, just outside the Shire:  
  
Gandalf writes: I feel as if I am in quite better physical condition already, and the journey has just begun. Of course, that is probably because I had to wrestle with Bilbo in his parlor to get the One Ring from him, while he made his freakish gone-evil-hobbit face and hissed at me. Quite disturbing.  
  
I have not encountered any Ringwraiths so far, to my good fortune. I sorely wish that I had brought Shadowfax, for he would make traveling all the easier. He is also a steadfast companion, and he keeps me from getting too lonely. But not to worry! For I have brought a different friend! Mr. Fluffy! He is a very cuddly teddy bear, and since I am afraid of the dark, I need someone to keep me company at night (A/N: for all you perverts, I did not mean it that way). I am also going to have a nightlight, thanks to my handy-dandy........wizard's staff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I can already feel the ring's power trying to take hold over me. Quite obnoxious, actually. I think Sauron uses it to speak through. Or at least, things I would expect Sauron to say, I am instead hearing through the squeaky voice of the ring. But he seems to be trying a different tactic, something to do with driving me insane. And annoying elevator music. Urgh.  
  
Day 10, Bree:  
  
Gandalf writes: This town is considerably different from when I last visited. Though I was let in, the people keep more to themselves and are a bit more.....hostile. The gatekeeper was awful suspicious.  
  
And I was simply chatting a bit down at the bar, having a drink (they now serve 2-pint drinks!), when the ring decided to rouse a bit of suspicion. You see, I was merely providing them a modernized rendition of an old song about Luthien, when I slipped and fell. The ring flew out of my pocket, but it didn't land on my finger, it just landed in my hand. And guess what? It started playing the most maddening elevator music I've ever heard in my entire life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So now everyone stares at me rather distrustfully, because they now think I am an evil peddler trying to sell them crap music for high prices! Whatever is Middle Earth coming too?  
  
Then Aragorn (Strider can't fool me!) took me to his room, and said that lately the people of Bree have lost their interest in music general, and he could bring me to a small town where my services would be more appreciated. I told him about the One Ring, how the music wasn't my fault, and how elevator music is the worst crap you could listen to anyways. Then he got offended because he listens to elevator music, and he had hoped I would join his band. You know what the band name is? Elevator Boombox. Ha! What crap!  
  
Day 28, Rivendell  
  
Gandalf writes: After Bree, I came to Weathertop, where the Black Riders had planned on attacking me. I just whipped out Mr. Fluffy and waved him in their faces, and they backed down! Ha! Just proves how brave and strong teddy bears really are.  
  
So, I arrived in Rivendell, where luckily the Ring chose not to provide my public with anymore elevator music. I told Elrond about Aragorn and Elevator Boombox, but apparently its only because the Ringwraiths had spiked his hip flask (A/N: hehehe!), so he was incredibly drunk. No worries, he is currently in rehab.  
  
Elrond said that he's not going to bother with a council, I can just choose some companions to come with me to Mordor. Surprisingly, Galadriel has come to Rivendell, and she seems to want to come. Arwen also wants to go, but I am afraid the ladies might fight over me (A/N: cough cough). This will be an opportunity to get to know Galadriel better.  
  
The festivities, as usual, are wonderful here, but still I cannot seem to forget my task. It weighs my mind every night. Or maybe I am just bothered by the elevator music.  
  
Day 35, just outside Moria:  
  
Gandalf writes:  
  
Moria was very, very creepy. And way too dark. Luckily, I had Mr. Fluffy to keep me company. And Galadriel.  
  
I am beginning to doubt that I made the right choice in bringing her. Sure, she is an expert archer, and breaking her will would be like...ummm......breaking her will (basically, its impossible). But she is rather impertinent.  
  
For instance, we were making friends with the Balrog (he is far from being Sauron's agent), and he was rather confused. Should he drag me down with him into the depths of Moria, or should he let me continue on my quest, since after all, I am the Ringbearer. Galadriel was just like, 'Well duh, let him live. It would be rather inconvenient for the "good side" if we had to wait a month or so while you two fell for miles, cat-fighting. Then he got all huffy, and threatened to kick her off the narrow bridge. But she is comforting in the creepy darkness.  
  
Now we are camping just outside Moria, and we should be to Lothlorien by tomorrow. Galadriel is trying to do yoga, and now she is yelling at me. I think the elevator music is ruining her concentration. She better get used to it.  
  
Day 40, Lothlorien:  
  
Gandalf writes: I have been in Lothlorien for a few days now. And guess what? I met up with an old friend, Radagast the Brown. He said that he is on his way to Rohan, Gondor, etc to help out. He sailed back across the great sea, and received further training from the High Elves. Elrond, too, has been educating him further in my arts, etc. He has even been promoted to Radagast the Blue.  
  
Oh, that reminds me. Since Saruman has been proven traitor, I am to become the head of the Council, Gandalf the White. I am so excited! There is going to be an initiation ceremony tomorrow night. Galadriel is having a yoga marathon; she said she is going to need to be in a VERY accepting mood to promote me to so high a position. She said anyone who listens to elevator music would need as much help as can be provided to be a successful leader of the Council. Da**it, I don't listen to elevator music, the One Ring just sort of involuntarily provides it. But nooooooooooooooooooooooooo, Galadriel has to start a massive yoga marathon that half Lothlorien has decided to participate in! Radagast the Blue is coming down to help with the ceremonies, and so that we can talk. He is wise and loyal, and there are many things I wish to discuss with him.  
  
I asked Galadriel whether I should wear white robes to the ceremony, or should I appear as Gandalf the Grey, and I shall be given my white robes. She said either way, I will still be an ugly old wizard with too much power and too many wrinkles.  
  
Found some anti-wrinkle cream. She won't be able to make a single complaint!  
  
Day 55, Somewhere past Lothlorien:  
  
Gandalf writes: My initiation ceremony was a success! But it turns out that without any wrinkles, I have something of a baby face. Ooooh boy, was Former-Queen-of-Cocky shocked! Some elven maidens were even flirting. I have written that down in my book of records. Not sure whether this is progress, or an insult at how unattractive I usually am.  
  
Radagast said he is going to Rohan, to try to revive Theoden, King of Rohan. He is hopefully going to then proceed to Gondor, depending on the circumstances in Rohan. What a perfect little mini-me! But Galadriel says he's cuter. Da**.  
  
We met up with some orcs while traveling along the river. As water-travel is rather easy to follow, considering we were stopping and camping on the banks at night, we abandoned the boats and are continuing on foot. Galadriel has found new torture to tease me about. Mr. Fluffy! He has traveled so far with me, too. I put a finding spell on him, and Galadriel has not yet been able to break it. So he is safe from her prying eyes, and any harm she means for Mr. Fluffy.  
  
I was stuffing my ears with cotton to block out the hideous sound of elevator music, when Galadriel stepped into the clearing I was in the other morning. She asked me if the One Ring really was controlling me, and I had gone crazy. I told her it blocks out the elevator music. She scoffed, then stuffed some in her own ears. But her excuse was "To block out the sound of your voice". I noticed that after her morning yoga, she had no complaints about dumb music. MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had a good idea, and she was afraid to admit it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Day 75, Ithilien:  
  
Gandalf writes: Sorry I haven't written in so long. We are currently staying in Ithilien, thanks to the kindness of Boromir and some other men of Gondor. But he bears great news! Faramir supposedly got sick of Denethor's favoritism, or decided that he would rather provide his help where it would be appreciated, or something like that. So, he left, and, after long, lonely days of traveling, he came to Fangorn. He has stirred the Ents, the Tree-Herders, and they have thoroughly destroyed Isengard. It has been named the Last March of the Ents. The reach of Sauron's long arm lessens for yet another day.  
  
Also, Radagast drove away some horrid little dark agent going by Grima Wormtongue, and Theoden and his army went to Helm's Deep. Middle Earth seems to faring pretty well, except for the fact that Sauron's forces are steadily increasing their pressure on Gondor and Rohan.  
  
Day 90, Mt. Doom:  
  
Gandalf writes: Thoroughly terrified. I just flung the One Ring into the fires of Mount Doom. I can see my good friend, the Lord of the Eagles, flying towards us. Thank Varda, because I had been dreading the return journey.  
  
Galadriel and I, after the hell we have been through together, are finally good friends. All we can do right now is sit, huddled together and still shivering in fear, and wait.  
  
Somehow I have a deep feeling that all will be well.  
  
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Hope you liked! It was rather hard to put humor in with Gandalf, but I did my best.  
  
Not really all that funny, but oh well. I hope I filled in what you thought was missing, Artemis! It wasn't perfect, but I tried to get the plot to flow at least a little better with Faramir, Radagast, etc.  
  
But now that I think about it, Faramir's part really didn't make a difference at all with Gandalf. OOOPS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry!  
  
R&R! PLEEZ! PLEEZ! PLEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
YOU ARE FEELING LIKE REVIEWING ME, YOU ARE REVIEWING ME!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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YOU ARE PRESSING THAT LITTLE BUTTON THAT SAYS REVIEW! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


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